[Clipart 024] Lizard Person

[Clipart 024] Lizard Person

lizard-personThe lizard person sat in his grandiose desk chair, the scales on his hands scraping at the leather upholstery. A series of manila envelopes were strewn on the desk in front of him, each labeled with a different name. Operation Ending Freedom. Operation Slaughter Christian Children. Operation Let Tens of Thousands of Terrorists into America. He tapped the table with his tremendous claws, each hit chipping away another bit of wood.

He grabbed the Operation Slaughter Christian Children dossier and thumbed through it. The images enclosed pleased him. There were pictures of the Planned Parenthood logo, a chart detailing the hundreds of billions of dollars that would go towards directly funding abortions, and a series of pictures taken from various clinics, or abortatoriums, around the nation. A picture of an aborted fetus being dissected on an operating table especially caught his eye.

“Hmm, why didn’t I think of that? This is all quite excellent.” He placed the folder in the tray labeled “To Commit.”

Operation Let Tens of Thousands of Terrorists into America was next up. He flipped open the file and what was inside shocked even him. Images of ISIS training camps teaching their soldiers to say phrases like “I am not a terrorist, please let me into your country” and “I haven’t eaten in weeks in order to ensure my children don’t starve”, so the naive nations of the west would welcome them with open arms. Transcripts of phone conversations between Syrian “refugees” (the Arabic word for “one who destroys the west) and the “late” Osama bin Laden from weeks prior. There were even plans for a suicide vest; an orange flotation device that fails to keep them afloat when they fall into the ocean after their makeshift rafts are caught in a storm. Simply diabolical. The lizard person didn’t hesitate before stamping the file with “COMMIT IMMEDIATELY” in bold red ink.

The final folder sat alone in the middle of the desk. The lizard person’s excitement was tangible, electric even. The mere thought of the juicy, heinous, utterly inhuman acts that could be contained inside this folder,quite frankly, made his scaly loins quite frothy. He slipped his claw in the folder, flipped it open, and saw… pictures of the Twin Towers on fire and the twisted wreckage of a plane in the middle of a field. Great, he thought. He worked himself up for the big reveal and it turns out that it was a human rights violation that he had committed over a decade ago! The lizard person would have to call up his secretary and demand an explanation as to how such an old, albeit classic, mission file slipped in with the new arrivals.

The phone on the lizard person’s desk began to ring. He picked it up carefully, as to not crush the brittle plastic beneath the power of his lizard grip as he had done many times before. He growled into the receiver before realizing he wasn’t using his human voice. He let out a fake cough. “Sorry about that, I’m feeling a bit under the weather,” he said in a near perfect imitation of the human’s language. The lizard person nodded his head, a silly habit that he had picked up from the pathetic humans. “Yup. Uh huh. That, uh, sounds good to me. I’ll see you at 4. Obama out.”

The lizard person hung up. He reached into his desk and grabbed the human gloves and human mask that were stored there. He slid the smooth, brown faux-skin over his scales. It shamed him to have to hide his beautiful lizard form beneath this hideous disguise, but the time for him to reveal himself would come soon enough. He stood up from his chair, straightened his back, and walked out of the Oval Office with a normal human walk.

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