[Clipart 046] Angry Guy with Axe

[Clipart 046] Angry Guy with Axe

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Okay, so, like, here’s a really bad situation that you’re currently in. It’s possibly the worst one in your entire life. Almost certainly, to be honest. There’s an angry guy standing right in front of you, holding an axe over your head, apparently ready to swing down and lodge the weapon in your head, probably killing you in seconds depending on the weapon’s sharpness.

I’d ask, “What will you do?” except for the fact that you can’t really do much of anything. It’s less than a half-second until the guy gives you the drop, the drop being a slice of axe in your brain, and I really don’t think you are going to be able to react in time.

But if you really want to analyze your surroundings, try and figure out if there’s anything you can do in this last half-second before you die, then be my guest. I don’t have all day, though; I have half a second. So hurry up.

Behind you is a wall. Beside you are two walls. This should have been obvious, because otherwise you would have easily been able to dodge the attack and do something, anything, to avoid being killed. You must be in a closet or something. Maybe you hid in there like some sort of horror movie idiot? I don’t know.

The way he’s currently standing means that you could probably kick him in the nuts and incapacitate him. But can either of your feet, currently on the floor and not in a very good kicking position with those bent knees of yours, really go fast enough to hit him before the axe hits you? You could try, though it may be a useless effort in the end.

Maybe… Just maybe, you could duck, and it would throw him off enough to give you that extra second you need to get out safely and survive whatever the hell’s going on in your life right now. Though the chances of that working are probably only slightly higher than the chances of successfully navigating an asteroid field.

Uhh… No, I don’t see much good coming of this one. Do you?

Eh? What are you doing? You only have a quarter of a second left! You are really not going to do well by doing something silly that you’re probably going to regret! Well, I guess you’re not going to regret it if you’re dead, so nevermind. Go ahead. I don’t much care.

But still… you’re… Raising your hands? That seems kind of stupid.

Wait.

Ohhhhhh.

You catch the axe with your hands and block it from hitting you and killing you. It hurts like hell, probably, and your hands have two massive gashes in them, but you keep going anyway. Now, with this, you have the opportunity to kick him in the gonads. This opportunity, of course, is one that you take full advantage of, and the man reels back in pain. Your grip on the axe is tight, and his is loose.

I guess I can ask it for real, then. What will you do?

You pull as hard as you can, and take the axe, of course. It’s yours.

And you’re going to get this guy what he deserves, right? So you circle around him, out of the closet, and in front of him. You push him into the closet with a thud. Now he’s going to be the one to pay.

Your hands are bleeding profusely, and you want to cry out in pain. But you’re too angry to care. You spread your legs apart, raise the axe above your head, and aim at the guy.

 

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