Tassel was at it again. He and his big mouth were yelling about their mutual one true love at five o’clock in the morning. Both of them loved singing opera. Sadly, no one else loved it when Tassel sang opera with his big mouth. The hatred he got from critics was devastating and he was ashamed.
He was ashamed of the fact that his big mouth wasn’t accompanied by big lungs or big vocal cords, so whenever he tried to follow his passion, what would come out was a small squeaking noise, much like other men made whenever they saw someone they wished to pursue romantically. Much like a teenager going through that awkward stage we don’t talk about. Much like a churchmouse with the hiccups.
Tassel’s big mouth was accompanied by a big heart, which loved autotuned music and opera equally. In his spare time, Tassel listened to autotuned music on the internet hoping that someday he could sound like a professional singer. Sometimes, Tassel would sing along to pop hits like “I am literally a singing robot” or “My animators are not paid nearly enough to deal with my fanboys” and sigh, wishing he could sound as authentic as they did.
Tassel didn’t realize the power of autotune and computer-generated sound. He figured that for anything to sound that soulful, there had to be a real person singing it.
Tassel was wrong.
Tassel had his heart broken.
Just like I will have my heart broken if I find out you didn’t vote if you had the chance yesterday.
Don’t be like Tassel. Be an educated citizen. Do your civic duty.