[Movies We Haven’t Watched] The Brave Little Toaster

[Movies We Haven’t Watched] The Brave Little Toaster

“Plug into the Adventure!” screams the cover art of this movie. “Not on your life!” I scream back, sobbing into my pillow at night, remembering the five minutes of this film I was awake for at six years old.

My parents thought I would love this movie, citing my love of Toy Story as its defense. Despite the fact that this movie deals with similar themes: everything we don’t think is alive is actually alive; inanimate objects have to deal with real-life relationships too; and there’s nobody who will help you if you have something you’ve got to do to get back home. They were wrong; I refused to watch it.

This movie involves a lot of scary things like dismemberment, abandonment, reanimation, organ donation, and vivisection. As a child, I was only awake for the scenes that involved more than two of those. From what I can tell, there was also a Lord of the Rings style quest that the toaster and his buddies were on whenever they were headed out for adventure. I wouldn’t know. I wasn’t paying enough attention.

The toaster and his friends, I assume, probably had a Gandalf figure on their quest. A wise wizard with cryptic advice who mysteriously wasn’t there any time something went wrong. If you ask me, wizards are very morally gray people and should be avoided at all costs when you’re on a quest. Nobody has ever asked me. I probably wouldn’t take my own advice in this instance.

I just read the Wikipedia summary, and apparently the toaster dies onscreen and is brought back to life after we see his mangled corpse.

I am horrified.

Who said this was for children?

I will never watch this movie.

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