[Movies We Haven’t Watched] Into the Woods

[Movies We Haven’t Watched] Into the Woods

Cinderella cheats on her husband probably! The witch has a backstory! Children, as well as adults, are unintelligent! What is this musical about? Are these accusations correct?

The truth is, there are some questions that can’t be answered by someone who hasn’t seen a movie you’re asking questions about. If you’re looking for an accurate reaction to Into the Woods, you’ve come to the wrong place. The only question you can answer about a musical you haven’t seen with one hundred percent accuracy is “Do people sing?” Another question you can possibly answer based on who you’re talking to is “Will I cry?”

Dear reader, I regret to inform you I don’t know what makes your tear ducts do their job with reference to your own personal emotions. For reference, I will probably cry. You may not. I cry easily at movies.

Men, apparently, are in agony at some point. This causes them to tear their shirts off. Sadistic hearts leap with joy.

Much like on Steven Universe, there is a tremendous surplus of giant women. Surplus, as usual, means “not anywhere near enough.” This has been a lesson in words and their use with a person who is trying to get a degree in words and their use. It’s going well; thanks for asking.

People in this musical die. They die a lot. Some of them may die twice. It’s confusing. Don’t think too hard about it.

Is there a fourth wall, or is there only the illusion of one? Time will tell.

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