Cinderella cheats on her husband probably! The witch has a backstory! Children, as well as adults, are unintelligent! What is this musical about? Are these accusations correct? Continue reading “[Movies We Haven’t Watched] Into the Woods” »
Our intrepid narrator (Keith Scott) helps George save himself from risking his own life and limb. This is done while making sure George is as attractive as George can be at all times. The narrator’s work is cut out for him since situational and slapstick humor make up the majority of this film, but there are only so many times a man can fail to watch out for a tree before the joke gets old. Continue reading “[Movies We Haven’t Watched] George of the Jungle” »
Jody Hopkins was an arachnid enthusiast. She loved that they had eight legs, eight eyes, and a constant internet debate over whether or not they counted as bugs. When she was eight years old, Jody made it her life’s goal to have a pet spider as large as a dog. She wanted to be able to walk her pet around the neighborhood just like everyone else she knew could. Continue reading “[Clipart] Pet Spider Girl” »
So…I joined Dr. Walton’s class because I heard good things about his face. Like, honestly, why would I care about how to dig up old dead stuff? I’m an early childhood education major and this was an elective option, plus I heard that…sometimes Dr. Walton completely forgets about assignments because he has more important stuff to do. Continue reading “[Movies We Haven’t Watched] Indiana Jones Raiders of the Lost Ark” »
Frederick Fred O, owner of the company that owns the company that owns the planet that holds the company that produces a specific frog-shaped chocolate candy, locked his home’s door for the night and sighed. The beings his company had placed on the planet in preparation for the chocolate frog production were starting to become a bit too sentient. They realized, like many others, that the chocolate frogs some of them were eating were actually rather bad tasting and overpriced. This was Frederick Fred O’s responsibility to take care of. Continue reading “[Clipart] Alien 0” »
You’ve heard of American Beauty. You’ve heard of American Psycho. You’ve heard of American Beauty/American Psycho. Now get ready for American Bartender!
He’s the real deal: a muscular hunk of man that will serve you the liquid part of a meal. Watch him now in one of nearly infinite locations in fifty states and several territories!*
“Plug into the Adventure!” screams the cover art of this movie. “Not on your life!” I scream back, sobbing into my pillow at night, remembering the five minutes of this film I was awake for at six years old. Continue reading “[Movies We Haven’t Watched] The Brave Little Toaster” »
Sheila had problems. She was a fluid girl living in a world full of solid people. Usually, she fluctuated between gelatinous and watery depending on her stress level.
Her hair, much like the expectations people had of her success in life, was dripping down to the floor and seeping through the cracks in the wood. Some was in the basement. Continue reading “[Clipart] Dripping Hair” »
Elle Woods, sorority president, is in love with a man. Or, well, she was.Her boyfriend broke up with her in a public setting to be with someone else. This is what I know. Continue reading “[Movies We Haven’t Watched] Legally Blonde” »
Anne Hathaway, now much more fashionable and worldly than in the last movie where Anne hathaway works for a fashion company, has a new job with a new awful and manipulative boss. She also still has her boyfriend she may or may not have had/gotten during The Devil Wears Prada. Continue reading “[Movies We Haven’t Watched] The Devil Wears Gucci” »