2 Welcome 2 Weekly

2 Welcome 2 Weekly

Hey Readers,

This is definitely gonna be a week. Here at HCAD, a week is six days. It’s gonna be the six days from March twenty eighth to April second in the year two thousand sixteen, in fact.

Yesterday I got more text messages from family members before noon on a Sunday than I remember being possible. It’s like it was a holiday or something. I hope the people you care about are sending you love as well, and that if you don’t care about anyone that someone still cares about you. Like the student loan office. Or the guy who sells you whatever it is you can’t legally buy yourself (Kinder Eggs).

Since we care about you, we’re gonna give some stuff to you almost every day this week. Here it what it will probably look like in list form:

Thankfully, last week is over. Some highlights were that time I related a little bit too hard to a one dimensional character, the day nothing made sense but Donald Trump didn’t rule the world, and the time a man’s family fisherman heritage helped him survive.

If you like the things we provide for your viewing pleasure, please comment and share. Student loans don’t pay themselves. We can’t do it without your help. It’s teamwork!

A Newly-Revamped Welcome (And a Giveaway!)

A Newly-Revamped Welcome (And a Giveaway!)

Say hello to Pi day, March 14th! It’s a brand-new week for Home Clipart Animal Deer, and for the rest of the world obviously.

We’ve had a pretty bad last few weeks for this site, what with a bunch of missed posts and almost zero Election ‘016 stories at all. And we’re pretty sorry about all that, too. All the stories we have been giving you these past six months have skidded to a bit of a halt lately, and that’s because of two reasons: 1) We’re busy and this site makes no money so this is essentially working for free, and 2) We have no idea which stories work, which ones people actually enjoy and read, instead of which ones are unenjoyable, and it’s really hard to figure out what to write because of that.

So to fix those two problems, we’re implementing a New HCAD Revamp. What does that mean, exactly? Not all that much. The main change is a new weekly schedule. It’s very much reduced from the previous schedule:

We actually figured that posting up to 10 or 12 times a week might actually be a chore for many people to get through, so our reduced schedule will hopefully be good for you and for us.

As you can see, Mondays will consist only of a Weekly Welcome Post, so these posts will end up being more substantive than usual. We might start rambling about weird blog stuff, or start recommending webcomics or something. You never know, and it all depends on the person writing it.

A sidenote, though; this is incredibly minor, but we will no longer be numbering our Clipart stories. There was never much of a reason for it to begin with and we were worried that it would start to confuse people who would think that the stories are connected via continuity or something. (A couple of them are, but it’s always noted when that happens.)

The other issue we have to address, as previously mentioned, is “audience engagement”. This sounds like some annoying marketing thing, and it probably is, but in the case of Home Clipart Animal Deer, we’re writing funny stories and weird serials and stuff like that. We thrive off the comments and feedback we get. Unfortunately, so far we haven’t gotten very much. So, short of begging for people to comment and share and sign up for mailing lists and all that, we’ll do anything to get more from you, dear reader.

So the first way we will attempt to solve this is a really simple and cheap method: A Writing Giveaway! Read here for more details on that.

Oh, and if you are or know someone who is versed at all in web design, please, contact us. Our site is pretty terrible and we know this very well. Please help us make it less terrible so that it is usable.

And to end this Weekly Welcome Post, since I’ve rambled enough already, here’s a list of all the cool posts we made last week:

 

Have a nice week, everyone.

[Clipart] Cook by Rones

[Clipart] Cook by Rones

On the left, a rosy-cheeked cook, frightened, panting, biting his lips, looking humble as he can be. On the right, his boss, the balding codger who never thinks they work fast enough around here. Around them, a ring of wide-eyed employees acting like there’s no one to serve, like kids, like school is out already. And on the counter, an affront to any cook who styles himself an artist: Boss Rones has slapped the ladle straight out of Cook’s hand, and the proof is all along the marble in driblets of red-orange. Some days it seems like nobody can cook right by the tyrant.

“You…” Cook’s voice trembles. “You can’t rush art.”

Continue reading “[Clipart] Cook by Rones” »

[Clipart 060] Normal Alien at the Nightclub

[Clipart 060] Normal Alien at the Nightclub

normal_Alien_alien_at_the_nightclub

 

The sun was gone, the moon came out to play, the neon lights flashed, and the music raged on against the dying of the night. The alien, who was perfectly normal of course, arrived at the doorstep of the nightclub and decided to start boogie-ing down, to party like no other normal alien had ever partied before.

Except the bouncer stopped him where he was with his hand. “Whoa buddy,” the bouncer says. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“I want to go into the nightclub, the normal alien said.

“That’s not happening,” the bouncer said.

“But I want to start boogie-ing down and party like no other normal alien has ever partied before.”

“Dude. You’re a fucking two-foot-tall head on stilts. You can’t boogie. I don’t even know how you can walk like that.”

The normal alien scowled. “I am most certainly not a ‘fucking two-foot-tall head on stilts’, sir! I am a normal alien who just so happens to have a very thin body!”

The bouncer scowled back. “This club is not going to get into full lawsuit central because some dumbass headless alien decided to go to a nightclub and ended up getting trampled and killed by all the other patrons. That is not something I want on my hands.” The bouncer patted the normal alien on his head, since he couldn’t pat him on the back or shoulders or anything. “You seem like a good kid. Why don’t you go study at the library or have a good time at home? It’s just too dangerous for you.” He gave a very slight nudge to the normal alien and pushed him away from the line. “If you really want to do something out here, why don’t you go to the Mexican restaurant across the street? I think it’s karaoke night.”

The normal alien pondered this. Could the bouncer be right?

There was only one way to find out.

***

“IIIIIIII, WILL ALWAYS, LOVE YOUUUUUUU,” the normal alien bellowed into the microphone. He was half-drunk and full off tortilla chips, but his singing voice was great. Fantastic, even.

The song ended and he gave the microphone to the guy next to him, whose name he had forgotten. He stepped back and sat down in his seat while the guy began singing “We Built This City”.

Suddenly, he realized a man in a white jacket sitting right next to him. The man wore aviators even though he was indoors and the restaurant was already dimly-lit.

The man passed the normal alien a card. “Name’s Manchester Bennings,” he said. “I want you to come into my office tomorrow afternoon. You good?”

“Wait… Manchester Bennings? The famous producer for Yuletide Records? No way…”

“Yes way. I heard your voice. I know what you can do with that head of yours. Your body may be weak, but your brain and your heart is strong. Mr. Alien, sir, will you be a part of my studio?”

Could he really be that good, this normal alien?

There was only one way to find out.

***

Officers Timmons and Blake stepped up to the drainage ditch and looked at the deformed green head lying lifeless in the sewer water.

“This is some fucked up shit,” Officer Blake said.

“You said it,” Officer Timmons said. “Looks like Bennings strikes again.”

They filled out the report and laid the head on the stretcher. Officer Blake picked up two broken stilts and put them in an evidence bag.

Just another day on the force.

 

Giving a Hearty Welcome to This Week

Giving a Hearty Welcome to This Week

There’s a week this week. And guess what happens on that week?

Come on, take a guess. Any guess will do.

Okay?

Okay.

What happens is…

Home Clipart Animal Deer posts!

Haha, had you worried there for a moment, didn’t I?

If you missed last week, we had some cool stuff. We had sad clipart stories about dogs, sad weekends for movies, and we dispelled with all this fiction that Marco Rubio is a boring candidate to write about. Check all that stuff out.

The next couple weeks I’m not going to make very many posts, but we are still going to have a lot of fun, you and me. Let’s tango and also read stories.