[Election ‘016 042] The Bush Identity

[Election ‘016 042] The Bush Identity


Jeb Bush says that he is the right choice for the presidency. He says that he can solve the nation’s problems. That he is strong enough to take down ISIS. That he will win the election without resorting to “petty insults and name calling.” Well, Jeb, you know what’s worse than petty insults and name calling? Picking your nose. Yes, as you can see, John Ellis “John Ellis Bush” Bush is a bit of a nasal prospector. Maybe he plans on funding a war on ISIS with all the gold that he mines? Who knows? Well, the American people know not to elect a smelly booger eater like Jeb Bush.


This message is not in any way endorsed by Donald Trump.

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[Election ‘016 024] iFiorina

[Election ‘016 024] iFiorina





“Who are you?”

“I’m no-one.” I answer. I’ve been raised to do one thing. But I’ve got nothing to fight for, anymore. Surely she knows this.

“No you’re not, Carly,” she says. “You’re a good girl and a smart girl, that’s the right answer. Now go upstairs and do your homework.”

“God!” I yell as I toss my hands in the air and march back to my bedroom. “You never let me do anything!”

I slam the door shut and jump on my bed, tears flowing from my eyes. It’s not fair. It’s never been fair. Mom wants me to focus on my homework, and school, but I don’t care about any of that. I just want to hang out with my friends, and I’ll never get to do it.

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[Election ‘016 012] Who the Hell is Bobby Jindal?

[Election ‘016 012] Who the Hell is Bobby Jindal?

Who the Hell is Bobby Jindal?




I have been assigned to Task Force Theta, much to my chagrin.

Anyone in the force knew the stories about Task Force Theta. About the missions they have undertaken. About how few men and women that enter come out entirely intact.

Ever since they promoted me I knew it would be coming, but I tried to convince myself I was wrong. I wasn’t wrong. They assigned me to exactly what I expected would be coming. I’m supposed to find out the true identity of the mysterious man known only as Bobby Jindal.

I saw the look on Chief Roberts’ face as he handed me the documents. His eyes averted from mine and stayed focused on the manila folder in my hands. He said, “Agent Emily Fieri, you know what your mission is, and you probably know everything we’ve collected so far. I hope you have more luck than your predecessor.” I nodded and left his sight.

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[Election ‘016 008] Slingshot, Scott

[Election ‘016 008] Slingshot, Scott


Scott Walker, Scott Walker. What do we have here? I see you standing in front of a white wall, and you’re staring at it very intently, but I don’t know what you’re seeing in this wall. Could it be that you see something nobody else does? Very mysterious, Scott.

You turn around and look at me, and you don’t look so happy. What’s wrong, Scott? Cat got your tongue? Did a dog get your tongue? Surely something nabbed your tongue and got right outta here with it.

“Nobody’s got my tongue,” you say. Well then, what’s up with this wall business, Scott? I can’t understand what you’re doing, Scott. I don’t think anyone can. “I’m sad,” you say. I just don’t think that’s a reason to be staring at a white wall though. Why not look out the window, or in the mirror? Go people-watching, see all the sad people who are sadder than you.

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