[Election ‘016 51] Eve of Iowa

[Election ‘016 51] Eve of Iowa

1oBqYR16

Ted Cruz

Ted got out a pack of crayons and set them on the table next to a large piece of construction paper. He opened the pack and sniffed that crayon-y smell fresh out of the box. He took out the macaroni-and-cheese one and began to draw a map of Iowa.

Drawing this map of Iowa and then dividing it into its ninety-nine counties was the only way he could unwind and relax tonight. It helped him take his mind off the stress and put his energies into something creative and powerful and beautiful and intuitive.

He just wished that President Reagan could see him now. His drawing was sure to look great and represent the heart of America, but he wanted more than anything for Reagan to be proud of him,

One day, though, he would make the man happy, he thought as he marked a giant green X over Des Moines.

Continue reading “[Election ‘016 51] Eve of Iowa” »

[Election ‘016 047] Jim Gilmore’s Existence

[Election ‘016 047] Jim Gilmore’s Existence

091115_yw_gilmore

Jim Gilmore’s Existence

Thedude3445

 

ACT ONE–

 

Jim Gilmore, the one from our universe, looks out at the sea and sheds a tear. It falls off his face, past the pier, and into the bay. It ripples across the still waters. The night is black, and the moon is gone. Literally.

The Alternate Universe Jim Gilmore (AU Jim), who has entered our universe and is running for president, floats down onto the pier and places a hand on Our Universe’s Jim Gilmore (OU Jim). He does not feel remorse and is only performing the required comforting actions to attempt to soothe OU Jim’s emotions. It does not work because OU Jim knows what AU Jim is doing. He looks to AU Jim, angrily crying about how everything has failed, everything has gone to ruin, all because of you. AU Jim looks at the reader, wondering if that’s who he meant, but OU Jim clarifies, saying that none of this would have ever happened if he never arrived.

AU Jim agrees. And then he laughs.

Continue reading “[Election ‘016 047] Jim Gilmore’s Existence” »

[Election ‘016 035] Jim vs Jim

[Election ‘016 035] Jim vs Jim

Jim vs Jim

Thedude3445

download JimWebb062415

Jim Webb stands, panting, surrounded by a pile of cybernetic corpses of a hundred thousand Neo-Union soldiers.

One mangled robotic body of George McClellan attempts to grab Jim’s leg and pull him back into a fight, but Jim stomps on the robot’s arm, severing it from the rest of the body. He plugs a bolt of lead into McClellan’s cybernetic head to finish him off.

His phone starts ringing in his pocket. He knows he needs to answer it. As always, Senator Lindsey Graham is the voice on the other side of the phone. That monster is always at the end of these battles, Jim has learned.

Continue reading “[Election ‘016 035] Jim vs Jim” »

[Election ‘016 011] Jim Gilmore’s Reality

[Election ‘016 011] Jim Gilmore’s Reality

Jim Gilmore’s Reality

Thedude3445

Gilmore_campaign

You can’t do this, they tell me. You’re too weak, they tell me. Do like Bob Ehrlich and get the heck out of there, they say. But I don’t listen. I am going to be the next President of the United States, and the only thing stopping me is my own will.

Continue reading “[Election ‘016 011] Jim Gilmore’s Reality” »