[Election ‘016 066] I Am Become Ted-th

[Election ‘016 066] I Am Become Ted-th

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The lighting rig creaked as Ted Cruz kneeled atop the metal trusses. Thousands of people rustled beneath him, mumbling to each other about thugs and ISIS and welfare between mouthfuls of popcorn and soda. These were Ted’s kind of people. He used to fill town halls and lecture halls full of wide eyed, white skinned, blue collared Americans like these. They would come for miles to hear him preach the American truth. About how his family heard the sweet song of Lady Liberty and pierced through the iron curtain to fall into the warm embrace of her bosom. About how, with nothing but sticktoitiveness and and the grace of God Almighty, he overcame adversity to seize his dream, one which is shared with all young patriotic boys; becoming a Junior Senator from Texas.

But they weren’t here for Ted. Ted couldn’t fill a minivan these days because of him. That’s why he had to die. Continue reading “[Election ‘016 066] I Am Become Ted-th” »

[Clipart/Election ‘016] Donald Trump Polygonal Portrait

[Clipart/Election ‘016] Donald Trump Polygonal Portrait

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Donald Trump Polygonal Portrait

Thedude3445

 

I am an artist.

I am the one who is helping to make America great again.

Continue reading “[Clipart/Election ‘016] Donald Trump Polygonal Portrait” »

[Movies We Haven’t Watched] Citizen Can-Do

[Movies We Haven’t Watched] Citizen Can-Do

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Citizen Can-Do

Thedude3445

 

“You might be wondering why I called all you here today,” The Citizen told the crowd in front of him in the theatre. He wore a grin from ear to ear, like a mischievous cat that also drove taxis. “Well, it’s because your dearly beloved Mr. Can-Do has passed away in his sleep.”

One guy in the crowd raised his hand. “Uh, why are you telling us this? It happened last week.”

“Because I have proof that he was not killed by an accident!” The Citizen said. “And it pleases me to tell you that one of you in this room was the culprit!”

Continue reading “[Movies We Haven’t Watched] Citizen Can-Do” »

[Clipart] Eat Drink Speak Think Feel

[Clipart] Eat Drink Speak Think Feel

Eat Drink Speak Think Feel

Thedude3445

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Emotions. Those things were a useless construct created by the patriarchy to control how we acted and reacted to events both within and without our control. Now they are useless. We have our base desires, but emotions are not any of them.

Continue reading “[Clipart] Eat Drink Speak Think Feel” »

[Election ‘016 063] Bernie Time

[Election ‘016 063] Bernie Time

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Bernie Time

Thedude3445

 

The one-tenth of the one percent must fall.

That was the single most important phrase that Jesse and his fellow comrades-in-arms needed to remember, to memorize, to take to heart. It was the sacred mantra of Bernie Sanders’s great army– the Sanderistas.

Continue reading “[Election ‘016 063] Bernie Time” »

[S] Week: Welcome (Week of April 4th)

[S] Week: Welcome (Week of April 4th)

Once again, as always, there is another week in store for Home Clipart Animal Deer, and on this week, there will be new stories.

What stories?

All of the stories.

Yes, all of them.

Every single one.

At least five of them.

As for last week, we only had three stories:

The best question to ask is: where were the other two stories? Well, there’s no real excuse for it. A week with no (Blank) We Haven’t Seen is a week wasted, to be honest. And yet another week without Beyond Thund-Noir-Dome Part 2 is yet another week to make the entire world feel pure agony.

But yeah, HCAD as an entity was at the AWP 2016 Conference in Los Angeles, so writing stories was really hard OK. This week we will make up for all our terrible transgressions and enter a new era of peace and prosperity.

Let us go beyond into the next realm.

[Clipart] Two Little Girl Friends

[Clipart] Two Little Girl Friends

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Molly and Samantha were two little girl friends. They had been holding hands for a period of at least seven minutes by now and the onlookers gawked. It was a sight to behold, with Molly holding her doll, Samantha holding her basketball, and both of them holding each other’s hands.

An older woman with a mohawk walked up to the two little girl friends. “Wow,” she said. “I never thought I’d see the day that you two lovely girls would be about to be two little girl friends together like this. I’m so happy for you.”

Continue reading “[Clipart] Two Little Girl Friends” »

A Newly-Revamped Welcome (And a Giveaway!)

A Newly-Revamped Welcome (And a Giveaway!)

Say hello to Pi day, March 14th! It’s a brand-new week for Home Clipart Animal Deer, and for the rest of the world obviously.

We’ve had a pretty bad last few weeks for this site, what with a bunch of missed posts and almost zero Election ‘016 stories at all. And we’re pretty sorry about all that, too. All the stories we have been giving you these past six months have skidded to a bit of a halt lately, and that’s because of two reasons: 1) We’re busy and this site makes no money so this is essentially working for free, and 2) We have no idea which stories work, which ones people actually enjoy and read, instead of which ones are unenjoyable, and it’s really hard to figure out what to write because of that.

So to fix those two problems, we’re implementing a New HCAD Revamp. What does that mean, exactly? Not all that much. The main change is a new weekly schedule. It’s very much reduced from the previous schedule:

We actually figured that posting up to 10 or 12 times a week might actually be a chore for many people to get through, so our reduced schedule will hopefully be good for you and for us.

As you can see, Mondays will consist only of a Weekly Welcome Post, so these posts will end up being more substantive than usual. We might start rambling about weird blog stuff, or start recommending webcomics or something. You never know, and it all depends on the person writing it.

A sidenote, though; this is incredibly minor, but we will no longer be numbering our Clipart stories. There was never much of a reason for it to begin with and we were worried that it would start to confuse people who would think that the stories are connected via continuity or something. (A couple of them are, but it’s always noted when that happens.)

The other issue we have to address, as previously mentioned, is “audience engagement”. This sounds like some annoying marketing thing, and it probably is, but in the case of Home Clipart Animal Deer, we’re writing funny stories and weird serials and stuff like that. We thrive off the comments and feedback we get. Unfortunately, so far we haven’t gotten very much. So, short of begging for people to comment and share and sign up for mailing lists and all that, we’ll do anything to get more from you, dear reader.

So the first way we will attempt to solve this is a really simple and cheap method: A Writing Giveaway! Read here for more details on that.

Oh, and if you are or know someone who is versed at all in web design, please, contact us. Our site is pretty terrible and we know this very well. Please help us make it less terrible so that it is usable.

And to end this Weekly Welcome Post, since I’ve rambled enough already, here’s a list of all the cool posts we made last week:

 

Have a nice week, everyone.