Jody Hopkins was an arachnid enthusiast. She loved that they had eight legs, eight eyes, and a constant internet debate over whether or not they counted as bugs. When she was eight years old, Jody made it her life’s goal to have a pet spider as large as a dog. She wanted to be able to walk her pet around the neighborhood just like everyone else she knew could. Continue reading “[Clipart] Pet Spider Girl” »
Girl Walking on Wall
The wall in front of the girl was infinite. It was black with pink edges, and over its edge was an unending horizon of blank nothingness. And yet this young schoolgirl, her miniskirt flowing in the inexplicably-blowing breeze, straddled along the corner of the wall and paced down its forever-long pathway.
Mythical Elf Frog
In the deep of the forest, far from anywhere society had ever discovered or developed, there was a village called Mimsytown. It was little bigger than a hamlet, though honestly it was little bigger than a single small tree. Each of the buildings in Mimsytown were but single mushrooms hollowed out and turned into homes for each of the elves living there. It was scary whenever the birds and snakes would try to hunt the city down, but Father Yayteese knew all the magic spells to keep the animals away and help the village grow without fear.
Hillary Clinton sat an ornately carved wooden desk, resting her face in her palms. The trials had been going on for what seemed like a lifetime. Had it been 6 months? A year? The days were getting hard to count, probably because the only sleep she got was when she collapsed, too exhausted to hold her head up. He was persistent, but she wasn’t prepared to give up. He would not break her.
A yellow light on the wall clicked on. Hillary cleared her throat and pressed down the red button on the intercom in front of her.
“Commence to the next stage,” she said.
Frank walked down the row of cubicles, checking everyone to make sure they were at their computers and doing their jobs. He felt a wave of apathy among his employees today, and it struck him too, but he knew that work just needed to be done. He passed Roger Clevus, working on a spreadsheet of some sort. Check. He passed Rick Moriband, also doing work on a spreadsheet… with Youtube paused on his other monitor. Check… He passed Renee Monteil, who had three separate tabs of Youtube open on each of her three monitors. Check…
But then he got to the last cubicle and found fucking Dan Whitten. With a fucking bag on his head.
Elle Woods, sorority president, is in love with a man. Or, well, she was.Her boyfriend broke up with her in a public setting to be with someone else. This is what I know. Continue reading “[Movies We Haven’t Watched] Legally Blonde” »
Ted and John: Super-Teamup Fight Time Go!
It was almost time.
Ted Cruz pulled up the spandex on his suit in a glorious montage, showing his latex gloves, his American flag-patterned boots, his metal-studded codpiece, and the amazing T-embroidered shirt he wore to top it all off, complete with seemingly permanently-erect nipples poking through. He was almost ready to do battle against all the baddies. He was… the Firebrand.
Eat Drink Speak Think Feel
Emotions. Those things were a useless construct created by the patriarchy to control how we acted and reacted to events both within and without our control. Now they are useless. We have our base desires, but emotions are not any of them.
The one-tenth of the one percent must fall.
That was the single most important phrase that Jesse and his fellow comrades-in-arms needed to remember, to memorize, to take to heart. It was the sacred mantra of Bernie Sanders’s great army– the Sanderistas.
Once again, as always, there is another week in store for Home Clipart Animal Deer, and on this week, there will be new stories.
All of the stories.
Yes, all of them.
Every single one.
At least five of them.
As for last week, we only had three stories:
- The tiny and shiny Clipart Story Double Gold
- Ted Cruz’s latest attempt to woo the delegates
- A Clipart Story about two little girl friends.
The best question to ask is: where were the other two stories? Well, there’s no real excuse for it. A week with no (Blank) We Haven’t Seen is a week wasted, to be honest. And yet another week without Beyond Thund-Noir-Dome Part 2 is yet another week to make the entire world feel pure agony.
But yeah, HCAD as an entity was at the AWP 2016 Conference in Los Angeles, so writing stories was really hard OK. This week we will make up for all our terrible transgressions and enter a new era of peace and prosperity.
Let us go beyond into the next realm.